This news story is nuts! Not so much what the guy was getting up to (just sounds like a horny drunk rubbing up on something weird when he thought he was alone.), but the punishment and how it came about.
The story was bouncing around about a month ago and the guy's sentencing was deferred until now, so it's back in the news.
A man (Robert Stewart, 51) in Ayr, south west Scotland was caught "trying to have sex" with his bicycle. ('Ooh I'm gonna grab you by the handle bars and rrrring your bell baby!' Hehe).
Weird? Yes. Perverted? Quite possibly. But any danger to the public? Did he prey on anyone? Errr, not that I have seen reported.
When I first saw this story I thought, well okay, doing some weird shit with a bike (although possibly entered into by mutual consent) out in public, with drunkenness as no defence, should at least receive a fine or something for lewd behaviour. But wait, this guy wasn't outdoors he was inside his OWN ROOM (at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr) with THE DOOR LOCKED! (Sounds like somebody that doesn't want to be disturbed if you ask me.)
A couple of cleaners came to his door and knocked several times to no reply. (Errr, somebody 'busy' NOT wanting to be disturbed!) So they decided to use a master key and entered the room and by doing so witnessed Mr Stewart "wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
They call the manager. The manager calls THE POLICE!
Anyway for this 'crime' Mr Stewart has now been charged with "sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex."
He has been sentenced to THREE YEARS on probation AND has been placed on the Sex Offenders Register for three years!
Is there a name for the crime of simulating sex with non-consensual objects? Umm, oh hang on, masturbation! That's right I remember now.
So watch out ladies. If you're going to stay in a hotel or hostel DO NOT bring your 'buzzy friend' otherwise you might just end up on the register with all the other dangerous deviants!
This story has at least given me the excuse to post these two great pictures above and below. I hope the police are keeping a very close eye on the owners that customised these two 'sexy' bikes. This might indicate that there are more "Cycle-Sexualists" (as Sheriff Colin Miller called them) out there than we realise. Haha.
First news source 31 OCT 07
Later news source 14 NOV 07
UPDATE: 16 Nov 07
When posting the entry above I did feel a bit like I may have been going out on a limb expressing my view. But I'm glad to see, as this latest update to the story clearly shows, breaching a persons privacy and human rights are the main concern with a large amount of the public, rather than, shock, horror ... man caught masturbating behind closed (and locked) doors.
Read details HERE.