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Friday, 28 December 2007

SPAMta Clause doesn't exist!

Image:SPAM Christmas TreeA beautiful SPAM Christmas tree!

Hope you all had a nice Christmas and are enjoying the break. Although, some things never take a break.
As the old police saying goes: "Crime doesn't stop for Christmas". Well, the same can be said about SPAM.
Although somebody has gone to the trouble of making you this beautiful SPAM Christmas tree (above), it doesn't deter from the fact that Electronic SPAM, is of course relentless and repetitive. It is believed to be how it came by it's name. It is allegedly in reference to this classic, insane sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Monday, 24 December 2007

Tis the season to be moany!

Image:Santa & Reindeer huntedChristmas - How much do you hate it?
It's Christmas Eve! Love it or hate it, Christmas is upon us.
If you have kids and you love Christmas then that's simple enough. But, what if you have kids but actually hate Christmas?
If only there was a way to keep your kids happy and entertained while at the same time able to register your deep dislike for the festive foolishness.

Well, of course, you've guessed it ... there is!
So here's what to do. Click your way to Seussville.com and you will find a selection of colouring-in projects for the kids all in PDF format (you'll need a PDF reader which you should already have, if not get it free from adobe), which your kids (or you) can print out, colour in and cut out.
One of the projects is 'Make Your Own Grinch Mask'. How perfect is that?
The kids get to have the fun of making the mask and you'll get to benefit from wearing the finished product!

Everyone's a winner! You get to silently display your disgruntled disdain for the day, while the rest of the family don't have to hear about it during 'It's A Wonderful Life' OR have to look at your sourpuss sneer, putting them off their turkey.

Image:xmasresistance.orgBut, if you're a real hardcore Christmas hater, then you may want to join up with the guys at The Christmas Resistance Movement.
They would like to encourage you to "boycott Christmas" because they want to "end compulsory consumption".
You won't find them anywhere near a Christmas grotto, but instead they have a Christmas motto, which is:"NO SHOPPING, NO PRESENTS, NO GUILT!".
And, not only that, just like Seussville, they have a sort of 'arts and crafts' section too.
They will allow you to print out their logo onto your own stickers as long as you do not sell them or credit them to any author other than Nina Paley.
So, enjoy, or erm ... not.

Saturday, 22 December 2007

Tinsel and tampons!

Image:Tampon decoration-StarAre you bored with the same old Christmas decorations, year in, year out?
Or maybe, last year in a fit of Christmas depression and drunkenness you threw all your decorations out onto a giant bonfire, danced round it naked screaming "F**k Christmas! Never again, never again! I won't need these crappy decorations EVER again!".
But now 3 days before Christmas, you discover that friends, and maybe even some family, are planning to pop over on Christmas day to "cheer you up, coz you seem a bit down".
So now it's panic stations. You want to appear normal, so you need Christmas decorations and you need them FAST!

Well fear ye (you know it's Christmas when bloody "ye" keeps coming into sentences) not!
You can just make your own! Allow me to give you some inspiration with the help of the creative people responsible for TamponCrafts.com.
To get started you need to either:
  1. Be a lady.
  2. Be a man who knows the "joys" (ehem) of living with a lady.
  3. Be a man who doesn't mind buying his wife's (or his own) 'Punani Plugs' while getting stared at by all around him, as if he has mistakenly picked up a box of dynamite sticks and a box of matches.
Image:Tampon decoration-AngelOnce armed with your 'Fanjita Fillers' follow the step-by-step guides and you'll be creating 'beautiful' decorations such as the Christmas Star (above right) for atop your Christmas tree.
Or perhaps one of these lovely little angels (left).
Doesn't she look like she just fell from Heaven? (Ironically, before she was deformed into an angel
she was destined to go to Heaven, hehe).

And if you're planning to go 'all out' and decorate the whole place then how about some of these festive "lights".
Okay, they're not actual lights, they are just look-a-likes or even look-a-lights (hahaha, ya see what I did there? No? k.).Image:Tampon decoration-Fake lightsTampon decorations - what could be more festive?

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

Say it with flowers!

Image:Lover's SeedsLover's Seeds - Really say what you mean!
People use the expression "Say it with flowers", but will the flowers really say what you feel?
Well this plant allegedly will!
Pictured above are what Bizarrefun.com describes as "Lover's Seeds".
According to them:

Image:I Love You plant"It's an actual real flower seed (fava bean size)... When seed is planted in sand with potting soil &/or peat moss, each seed will sprout in approximately 6 days in the hot sun (varies with different climatic conditions - works best in the hot sun). Each plant will have 2 words "(of your choice)" genetically imprinted (black text - looks like burned engraving) on each leaf - different word on front and different word on back!"

They can be purchased for $2.49 each or there are several wholesale options for the euntrapanuers amongst you.
Check them out at Bizarre fun

Monday, 17 December 2007

Tree are the world

Image-Canadian beer bottle Xmas treeCanadian flavoured beer bottle Christmas tree!
Here is another fine example of a 'beer bottle Christmas tree', but this time with a distinct Canadian flavour.
Sadly not lit as well as the other example I posted but still nicely done. And I'm sure it looks better 'in the flesh'.
But the Canadian beer bottle tree is only to illustrate the real purpose of this post, which is to direct (or should I say guide) you to Earthcam.com.

For those of you that haven't been there before, it's a site that has links to webcams/streetcams from around the world. So you can have a nose around into local life in pretty much every country you can think of, all for free!

And, seeing as it's Christmas, they now have a special 'Christmas Tree Cam' section, where you can view Christmas trees in other countries.
There are cams from Trafalgar Square in London, England, Kiener Plaza in St. Louis, Missouri, Prague in the Czech Republic and several others.

Friday, 14 December 2007

Transformers! Tables in disguise!

Image-Transformer tableTRANSFORMER TABLES-Expanding the possibilities!

Christmas can increase the population around your dining table by 100, 200 or even 300% when your house is the chosen 'get-together' destination.
So how do you accommodate all these extra diners?
Okay, so you can normally find some sort of extra chairs, even if they have to be brought in from the garden.
But what do you do about table space? It's obvious you need a larger table, but you don't want some massive banquet table taking up valuable floor space the rest of the year round.

That's where one of these babies comes in.
The clever people at DB Fletcher Design have come up with the Fletcher Capstan Table.

"It is a round table which, when rotated at its outer perimeter, amazingly doubles its seating capacity and, just as astonishingly, remains truly circular. Very importantly it stores its expansion leaves within itself. Existing tables can seat six persons when small, and twelve or more when expanded, but there are other design possibilities."

Watch this great video demonstration.

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

Track dodgy Santa with NORAD's help!

Image-NORAD Tracks SantaDo you trust Santa? Is he actually delivering presents as fast as he can? Or is he hiding in a café somewhere stuffing his face with mince pies?
Maybe you've heard he's got a thing for your wife. I'm sure you've heard the rumours about "Mummy kissing Santa Claus". And, you know "there's no smoke without fire", or in this case: no smoke without meaning Santa isn't going back up the chimney for a while and is butt naked with your missus, 'roasting his chestnuts over an open fire'.

Well, how do you know if he's lingering far too long at your house, while you're putting in some extra Christmas overtime?
What you need is some sort of Santa tracking service.
Well guess what? The good people at NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) have come up with the NORAD Tracks Santa (NTS) program.
On their site it announces:
"Beginning at 2:00 am MTN on Christmas Eve, you can track Santa Live as he makes his historic journey around the world! This is exciting, as Santa travels fast and NORAD Santa Cams take photos of Santa and his reindeer!"

So there you have it. Whether you are conducting a 'time and motion' study of Santa's work or you suspect one of Santa's "ho ho hos" to be your wife then be sure to track Santa for evidence at NORAD's Track Santa site.

Monday, 10 December 2007

Poke-A-Pussy!

Image-Furball protection creamI know some of you are fans of LOLcats and ROFLcats.
Although the kittens in this game don't have as much to say as those guys, you will probably still enjoy/hate the cute factor of these little fluff balls.
If you are of the "I Hate Those Bloody Cutesy Little Shits!" camp, then you may get pleasure from tormenting the little sleeping kittens, by poking them awake and scaring them half to death.
And if you are of the "I Love Those Bloody Cutesy Little Kits!" camp, then saving the little sleeping kittens lives, by poking them awake to cough out a life threatening furball, will give you a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

So, the rules are simple:
Click on snoozing kittens to release a furball of points and bonuses. Do not click on waking kittens.

Sunday, 9 December 2007

The dangers of alcohol!

Image-Ugly people beer posterRemember kids, beer is not just for Christmas!
With that in mind I feel it necessary to feature this little flash animation, warning you of the dangers of alcohol. This warning should be heeded at all times, but especially this time of year when you are more likely to be vulnerable.

Christmas can be a joyful time for most, but also 'Tis the season to feel lonely'.
Your work's Christmas party is a typical example of how you may end up in the scenario shown.
The regular drinkers will be drunk, the weekend bingers will be drunk and (the most likely culprits to end up 'hooking up' with) the annual drinkers that are only having a drink "coz it's Christmas" will be drunk.

This means that you and this very limited selection of people are going to be very drunk together. The more people you see pairing off, the lonelier you will undoubtedly start to feel.
BEWARE! Your definition of 'good looking' is about to get VERY warped and distorted!
 
Prefer the full screen version? Well click THIS then silly. For more "Dangers of Drinking", see this previous post.

Thursday, 6 December 2007

Play the race card with Granny!

Here are a few fun gift ideas for Christmas.
First up are two variations on the 'racing granny' theme.

On the left you have a pack of two wind up racing grannies, complete with Zimmer frames/walkers. Just wind them up and watch 'em go!
But, if that's not enough action for you, then the second pair of grannies may well provide some wheel spin for you, as these two are racing round a track (Scalextric style!) on wheelchair rims!
I suppose you could say it's more 'Need For A Pee' than 'Need For Speed', but they still look like great fun.


And, family get-togethers like Christmas wouldn't be proper family get-togethers without the traditional punch-up between relatives.

To get these two granddads fighting you don't even need to get them drunk. Just wind them up and watch them beat the (barely) living daylights out of each other, as if they were fighting over the last Werther's Original.

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

A very flash origami Christmas message!

Image-Origami MonsterThis is a cool way to send your Christmas messages to friends and family.
Just type in your short message and the site creates virtual (flash) origami sculptures to go with it. Which when replayed are all animated.
I think you get a maximum of five different objects per message. It will create a different sculpture after each fullstop (period). So experiment with your punctuation to see what weird and wonderful creatures you get.
You may want to fill in the 'email to and from' fields but there is no need as it provides you with a unique URL to your message. I would just cut and paste that into emails if I was you.

Here's one I prepared earlier: Merry Christmas readers!

Saturday, 1 December 2007

Tis the season to drink sherry!

Beer bottle Christmas treeYes folks it's December 1st! The shops are packed with frantic Christmas shoppers. Sales of socks and aftershave go through the roof. And people everywhere start stocking up on an amount of alcohol that should probably be consumed over a period of a few years, but will in fact, actually be downed in a few days.

So be sensible kids. If you're planning on drinking heavily over the Christmas period, whether at a family get-together or the office party, make sure you have a non-drunk person to help you get home. Because as you will see from this video, the drunk-helping-the-drunk is like the blind-leading-the-blind.

Good job one of the men makes sure he doesn't lose his umbrella. It would be awful if he returned home to his wife with drenched clothes and looking a mess.